I wonder how it felt to the little boy who gave Jesus his lunch.

I wonder how the poor widow woman felt as she prepared the loaf for Elijah instead of for herself and her son.

I wonder how the lady felt as she dropped her whole income–one penny–into the treasury at the temple.

I wonder how Moses felt the first time God used his stick.

Wonder.

Sometimes the sense of helplessness comes first. The sense of smallness. Maybe even the sense of ridiculousness. But underlying all of it is a knowledge of what is right. And often a tiny, incongruous sense of hope.

And afterwards . . . A sense of wonder.

A sense of satisfaction and then curiosity and then utter amazement that could hardly find the words to speak itself.

A sense of wanting to be still and quiet for fear of breaking the silence.

And sometimes there’s just the comfortable sense of knowing one’s God after all.

Oh, every year hath its winter,
And every year hath its rain—
But a day is always coming
When the birds go north again.

When new leaves swell in the forest,
And grass springs green on the plain,
And alders’ veins turn crimson—
And the birds go north again.

Oh, every heart hath its sorrow,
And every heart hath its pain—
But a day is always coming
When the birds go north again.

‘Tis the sweetest thing to remember,
If courage be on the wane,
When the cold, dark days are over—
Why, the birds go north again.

~ taken from Streams in the Desert (copyright 1925) October 9

Another September 11 has come and gone. As I wrote the date yesterday, it suddenly hit me what day it was–and what the significance was! September 11 was the day that terrorist attacks became more than just international news; they became part of the American experience.

The thing about terrorist attacks is that they are unreachable and indefatigable. Difficult to pin down, they exhaust you and make you start to wonder if there are other ways to obtain peace. Because that’s what you want–you didn’t want to pick the fight with them; they lashed out at you while you were busy living and letting them live. And as you start wracking your brain for other alternatives, as you try to make sense out of what happened, you start to see their point of view a little more, start to grasp their motives a little better. And then it’s easy for things to become more and more twisted from the effort of trying to make sense out of it all. And then you begin to accept the blame little by little for what happened, hoping that if you come half-way, if you accept your part of the blame, they will admit their part and meet you in the middle. After all, isn’t that how peace comes in normal relationships?

But terrorism is not a normal relationship. And the terrorists are not interested in making peace. They are not going to admit they were wrong. They are not the ones that want peace–you are.

Somewhere along the line we have to realize what forgiving others really means. Forgiveness stems from a recognition of the wrong that has been done to us, not from rationalizing the behavior. Forgiveness has to be firmly grounded in truth. Sometimes the truth may include the fact that the person who wronged us did so unintentionally, but it cannot ignore the wrong! Nor can it ignore the fact that there is a price to be paid for what was done to us. Instinctively we know that the price must be paid, and that’s how we get things twisted–when the other person refuses to acknowledge his wrong, we begin to wonder if perhaps we deserved it all along and then start to think that we are simply paying for our wrongs ourselves. That mindset bears only a small resemblance to the truth and it stops us from truly forgiving and moving on. Instead it makes us a slave to the one that has hurt us and now holds power over us.

It works that way with bullies on playgrounds. Why would it be any different between nations and people groups?

. . . could you just pray for . . . .

My list keeps growing.

That’s a good thing, of course, because it’s one of the ways that as members of the body of Christ we can be a part of what God is doing in each others’ lives. We are told in James 5:16 “Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” And although the Greek word for “faults” is usually used in Scripture to mean ways in which we deviate from truth and righteousness, its fuller Greek meaning is “to fall beside or near something”–to fall short, to not quite be what we need to be, I suppose. In my experience, while we usually share our requests of the first kind with people that we have grown to trust on a deep level, we share our requests of falling short (financially, physically, sometimes relationally, and many more areas besides) with many others that we hope will be most likely to pray!

Prayer is a mystery in so many ways [how we little people can sway the hand of the omniscient Almighty by our little near-sighted requests is a question that probably will never be answered till we see our Savior face-to-face!], but the Bible presents it simply–it says PRAY. Pray knowing that God hears you. Pray realizing that you are still very human (Elijah was very human, and look how God answered him!). Pray believing that God wants to answer you and is indeed answering you. Pray understanding that God does bigger things than we grasp and that the requests we are bringing to Him might require Him to move mountains. Pray like a desperate beggar asks for food. Pray like a trusting little child tells his parents what he wants or needs. Most of all, pray with the certainty that God is better than any other person that there is–He is fully and completely GOOD. He is LOVE. And if our parents give good things to us, won’t He? And if our friends help us out when we are lacking, won’t He?

Yet I am still surprised at the way that the requests have been multiplying on my prayer list lately. The past weeks have become a time of quieting down from the busy state of activity this summer and remembering Who God is and who I am in Him. And they have–without my realizing it–become a time of praying. And of asking others to pray for me and for my requests. And today, as another request came to me, it felt like the Body of Christ was saying “Since you’re praying, could you add this request to your list?” I say it felt like the Body was saying it because no one person who has been handing me requests lately could know that this has become for me a time of praying. But there the request was! Sorta funny! And I am starting to grow curious to see what God is going to do–how He will answer and meet these needs! He already has more than answered our prayers for the safe delivery of my friend’s 8-week-premature baby boy. Maybe when He says “availeth much” He means it!

Found this poem in today’s reading (June 1) from Streams in the Desert, 1925 ed. by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
(I am uncertain who the poet is; the poem was followed by a paragraph written by Madame Guyon and preceeded by Spurgeon. For all I know, Mrs. Cowman may have written it herself.)

“Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
The storms are raging on God’s deep—
God’s deep, not thine; be still and sleep.

“Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
God’s hands shall still the tempter’s sweep—
God’s hands, not thine; be still and sleep.

“Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
God’s love is strong while night hours creep—
God’s love, not thine; be still and sleep.

“Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
God’s heaven will comfort those who weep—
God’s heaven, not thine; be still and sleep.”

~Streams in the Desert (1925 ed.) June 1

In the bitter waves of woe
Beaten and tossed about
By the sullen winds that blow
From the desolate shores of doubt,
Where the anchors that faith has cast
Are dragging in the gale,
I am quietly holding fast
To the things that cannot fail.

And fierce though the fiends may fight,
And long though the angels hide,
I know that truth and right
Have the universe on their side;
And that somewhere beyond the stars
Is a love that is better than fate.
When the night unlocks her bars
I shall see Him–and I will wait.

~Washington Gladden

Hello, friends!

Last year around Christmas time, I began writing a series of essays, filled with “half-baked ideas” about Christmas and the cookies we eat around that time of year. Well, the time has come to revise them. I would like to take a stab at publishing them, and I’m praying to that end; however, even if God closes that door, I do want to revisit and improve them.

To revise them well, I need your input.

Here’s are some ways that you can help, if you have the time.

1) you can pray for me as I finish writing and revising =) any time the subject comes to mind, pray about it with me =)

2) if you read them last Christmas and have a minute to drop a comment to me, I’d like to know which one (or ones) stood out to you the most vividly–I mean, which ones come to mind most readily without your having to re-read them? And if you can tell me something that was memorable about it (or them), I’d be even more grateful!

3) if you have the time to re-read one or more of them (or to read them for the first time) and can comment on them, I’d like to know which statements made the most sense, which connections were clearest to you, which lines you liked best, anything like that. It helps to know which parts worked best so that I don’t lose them!

4) mention them to people who might find them enjoyable. invite them to read and comment on them

To access them, you can click on the “2007 Christmas Cookies” link at the top of my blog home page.

Thank you for your help and for you time and for your support and for your prayers.
Thank you for your comments, one of the most enjoyable parts about blogging.

Merry Christmas!

Make me a window, Lord.

Let my life be clear so that Your life will shine through me. Let others look at me and wonder what is inside that glows so brightly, invitingly. In all I do, in all I say, in all I think, reflected on my face, let others see You. And may what they see make them want You to live Your life inside of them.

Make me a window, Lord.

Let me see outside my little world as You see. Let me see the beauty around me, beauty You have made, beauty You are still creating. Let me see Your hands busy working everywhere, and especially amid the ugly scenes of our lives. Let me see the opportunities You give my little hands to join You, working alongside You as I work alongside my father and my mother sometimes still. Open my eyes to the moments that I can bless others as You always bless me. Let Your light illuminate the truth that secures me in all places that I go.

Make me a window, Lord.

When it is dark outside–when the night closes in around me and I cannot see clearly–let me look at my window and see Your face reflected: You alive in me. With You inside, no night can be too dark.

Make me a window, Lord.

“And, lo, I am with you alway, [even] unto the end of the world. Amen.”  ~ Matthew 28:20b

Funny how God brings things together from different sources! Last week, His topic seemed to be “ministry.” Here are two quotations that He used to get me thinking, two quotations from different sources.

>“The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
~Frederick Buechner (qtd by Richard M. Webster in “Study to Enrich Inquirers and Candidates” Presbyterian Church U.S.A.) From Sunday School class (a study on our calling to ministry as Christians)

God is always working where the world’s deep hungers are located. Sometimes they’re buried very deeply, but He knows just how deeply they’re buried. I want to be where He is, doing what He created me to love doing.

> “Ministry is only an outward manifestation of our relationship to God.  Without the relationship, ministry is just dust.  With it, ministry is gold.”
~from an e-mail to me by a friend and former teacher, Jody Wong

I love this quotation the most. Sometimes when ministries change, we start to feel that perhaps we have made God unhappy with us or feel as though our closeness to Him is dependent upon what we are doing for Him. Over this past year, He has been showing me that my relationship to Him is the thing that will always go deeper than any ministry.

Hoping.
Waiting.
The Spanish verb “esperar” means two things: “to hope” and “to wait.”
I wonder how they translate this verse:
Psalm 130:5-5
5. I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.

A few months ago, our pastor did a series on the seven Hebrew verbs translated “wait on the LORD” in the Old Testament and the things they teach us about waiting for God. Waiting is not something that is easy to do. We grow tired. We become discouraged. We think that perhaps we missed the bus and there’s really no point in waiting anymore. We give up and throw in the towel and go away–if you were waiting for any activity on this blog, you probably gave up a long time ago!

But Pastor pointed out that waiting on someone shows how valuable they are to us. And it’s true. Think of how a parents waits for his baby to be born or how a gardener puts in seedlings in hopes of a good harvest at the end of the summer. But I know it’s true even more from my own life as people often end up waiting for me. I have heard over and over that being on time shows a regard for the valuable time of those I am meeting; true, but being waited for has showed how much those waiting for me regard me. Not that I am making them wait as a test to see how much I am loved! God forbid! No, the tardiness is an attribute I am both learning to accept about myself and working on changing. But I know sense of value that comes from being waited for without a mention of the sacrifice the person waiting for me has made , and I know the sense of worthlessness that comes from being berated for my slowness. I want to say, “If it was so difficult to wait, then why in the world did you do it? If you didn’t want my company, why did you bother waiting for me?” On the other hand, I feel safe, accepted and loved just as I am when someone has waited for me and hasn’t complained (much).

Today, another message from another pastor reminded me about waiting on God. When we wait, we wait because there is hope. And even when we cannot understand what God is doing, we can wait for Him because we know that when He is finally ready to unveil his work of art, it truly will be a masterpiece. Today’s message reminded me that to wait on Him, I need to commit to Him the issue I am having trouble understanding and then carry on with my life, trusting Him to take care of things. The message I am sending to Him as I wait for Him is “I know that you can’t fit things into my timetable right now, but I trust that You are working things out so that they will be the best. I’m willing to wait till You’re ready to show me.”

My sister and I waited up for my parents to get home from their trip tonight. It’s late, but waiting up for them was worth it. They are worth it. [seeing their reactions to the changes we made in the living room was worth it, too]

Hoping.
Waiting.
Because He is worth waiting for.

Estoy esperando para El.

Salmos 130:5
5 Esperé yo a Jehová, esperó mi alma;
En su palabra he esperado.