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I wonder how it felt to the little boy who gave Jesus his lunch.
I wonder how the poor widow woman felt as she prepared the loaf for Elijah instead of for herself and her son.
I wonder how the lady felt as she dropped her whole income–one penny–into the treasury at the temple.
I wonder how Moses felt the first time God used his stick.
Wonder.
Sometimes the sense of helplessness comes first. The sense of smallness. Maybe even the sense of ridiculousness. But underlying all of it is a knowledge of what is right. And often a tiny, incongruous sense of hope.
And afterwards . . . A sense of wonder.
A sense of satisfaction and then curiosity and then utter amazement that could hardly find the words to speak itself.
A sense of wanting to be still and quiet for fear of breaking the silence.
And sometimes there’s just the comfortable sense of knowing one’s God after all.
Found this poem in today’s reading (June 1) from Streams in the Desert, 1925 ed. by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
(I am uncertain who the poet is; the poem was followed by a paragraph written by Madame Guyon and preceeded by Spurgeon. For all I know, Mrs. Cowman may have written it herself.)
“Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
The storms are raging on God’s deep—
God’s deep, not thine; be still and sleep.
“Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
God’s hands shall still the tempter’s sweep—
God’s hands, not thine; be still and sleep.
“Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
God’s love is strong while night hours creep—
God’s love, not thine; be still and sleep.
“Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
God’s heaven will comfort those who weep—
God’s heaven, not thine; be still and sleep.”
~Streams in the Desert (1925 ed.) June 1
Make me a window, Lord.
Let my life be clear so that Your life will shine through me. Let others look at me and wonder what is inside that glows so brightly, invitingly. In all I do, in all I say, in all I think, reflected on my face, let others see You. And may what they see make them want You to live Your life inside of them.
Make me a window, Lord.
Let me see outside my little world as You see. Let me see the beauty around me, beauty You have made, beauty You are still creating. Let me see Your hands busy working everywhere, and especially amid the ugly scenes of our lives. Let me see the opportunities You give my little hands to join You, working alongside You as I work alongside my father and my mother sometimes still. Open my eyes to the moments that I can bless others as You always bless me. Let Your light illuminate the truth that secures me in all places that I go.
Make me a window, Lord.
When it is dark outside–when the night closes in around me and I cannot see clearly–let me look at my window and see Your face reflected: You alive in me. With You inside, no night can be too dark.
Make me a window, Lord.
“And, lo, I am with you alway, [even] unto the end of the world. Amen.” ~ Matthew 28:20b
Funny how God brings things together from different sources! Last week, His topic seemed to be “ministry.” Here are two quotations that He used to get me thinking, two quotations from different sources.
>“The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
~Frederick Buechner (qtd by Richard M. Webster in “Study to Enrich Inquirers and Candidates” Presbyterian Church U.S.A.) From Sunday School class (a study on our calling to ministry as Christians)
God is always working where the world’s deep hungers are located. Sometimes they’re buried very deeply, but He knows just how deeply they’re buried. I want to be where He is, doing what He created me to love doing.
> “Ministry is only an outward manifestation of our relationship to God. Without the relationship, ministry is just dust. With it, ministry is gold.”
~from an e-mail to me by a friend and former teacher, Jody Wong
I love this quotation the most. Sometimes when ministries change, we start to feel that perhaps we have made God unhappy with us or feel as though our closeness to Him is dependent upon what we are doing for Him. Over this past year, He has been showing me that my relationship to Him is the thing that will always go deeper than any ministry.
Hoping.
Waiting.
The Spanish verb “esperar” means two things: “to hope” and “to wait.”
I wonder how they translate this verse:
Psalm 130:5-5
5. I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
A few months ago, our pastor did a series on the seven Hebrew verbs translated “wait on the LORD” in the Old Testament and the things they teach us about waiting for God. Waiting is not something that is easy to do. We grow tired. We become discouraged. We think that perhaps we missed the bus and there’s really no point in waiting anymore. We give up and throw in the towel and go away–if you were waiting for any activity on this blog, you probably gave up a long time ago!
But Pastor pointed out that waiting on someone shows how valuable they are to us. And it’s true. Think of how a parents waits for his baby to be born or how a gardener puts in seedlings in hopes of a good harvest at the end of the summer. But I know it’s true even more from my own life as people often end up waiting for me. I have heard over and over that being on time shows a regard for the valuable time of those I am meeting; true, but being waited for has showed how much those waiting for me regard me. Not that I am making them wait as a test to see how much I am loved! God forbid! No, the tardiness is an attribute I am both learning to accept about myself and working on changing. But I know sense of value that comes from being waited for without a mention of the sacrifice the person waiting for me has made , and I know the sense of worthlessness that comes from being berated for my slowness. I want to say, “If it was so difficult to wait, then why in the world did you do it? If you didn’t want my company, why did you bother waiting for me?” On the other hand, I feel safe, accepted and loved just as I am when someone has waited for me and hasn’t complained (much).
Today, another message from another pastor reminded me about waiting on God. When we wait, we wait because there is hope. And even when we cannot understand what God is doing, we can wait for Him because we know that when He is finally ready to unveil his work of art, it truly will be a masterpiece. Today’s message reminded me that to wait on Him, I need to commit to Him the issue I am having trouble understanding and then carry on with my life, trusting Him to take care of things. The message I am sending to Him as I wait for Him is “I know that you can’t fit things into my timetable right now, but I trust that You are working things out so that they will be the best. I’m willing to wait till You’re ready to show me.”
My sister and I waited up for my parents to get home from their trip tonight. It’s late, but waiting up for them was worth it. They are worth it. [seeing their reactions to the changes we made in the living room was worth it, too]
Hoping.
Waiting.
Because He is worth waiting for.
Estoy esperando para El.
Salmos 130:5
5 Esperé yo a Jehová, esperó mi alma;
En su palabra he esperado.
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